Well, Hello There!

I know it has been a long time since I’ve blogged here. But I am ready and committed to doing this blog, especially since it is the new year, and a new me! IMG_4198

I took some time off from blogging because life had gotten too busy. I moved from Staten Island and returned to Brooklyn after a nine-month hiatus. I then was super busy with work, and job hunting. These days, I am still doing pretty much the same, but I am focused on doing this blog in order to keep my sanity as I work and search for a new job. I’m sure many of you are aware that looking for a new a job is not easy, so anything to reduce the stress – in a healthy matter, of course! – is necessary.

Plus, I want to do this blog because I have a whole new attitude these days. Before, I was kind of glum and unfocused. But now I am more upbeat and focused, and I want to share that with others what I have learned.

Another thing that is new is how I am viewing fashion and beauty. I’m really coming out of the dark, so to speak. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be changing the name of this blog. I still am The Dark Pearl. I still like dark colored-clothes, even though I have been leaning a little bit more towards more color in my wardrobe. Yes, my experimental semi-goth days are done. However, I still love gothic jewelry, and the color black, so that remains. So, maybe I am not really done after all!

I also plan to discuss my love of coffee shops. I’m in Brooklyn after all! I’ll be sharing my thoughts and reviews of coffee shops around this borough. I’ll also give my reviews on fashion while I share my own fashion loves. Meaning, I may just review fashion shows and red carpet events. It is award season after all.

Anyway, I am back and here to stay!

  • Megan
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Letting Go of Grudges

As 2017 gets underway, I am aiming to do better than I did last year, and this time, I am determined to do so. There’s a lot that I do want to repeat from 2016. Among these are bearing grudges against those who harmed me.

Last year, I carried a lot of weight from previous years around, and it took a toll on me. I ended up suffering from deep depression, angry outbursts, and cynicism. While I knew I was better off letting go of what was done to me, rather than holding on to it so tightly, I simply couldn’t let go of the grudges. I felt it was justified. After all, I had been slandered, bullied and harassed. I was scorned for things I did not do. I suffered a severe mental breakdown as a result.

So why not carry around a grudge? I had every right to be angry at those who hurt me.

But as the clock struck midnight this Sunday, I was beginning to realize that if I wanted a better year and better me for 2017, I needed to let go. I needed to let go of all the anger I had. That anger was not doing me any good, and it certainly was not hurting those who had hurt me. They went on with their lives, unharmed and unaffected by what they did to me. It sucks, but that’s reality. Karma is supposed to be a bitch, but sometimes it is unreliable.

As for me, I was turning into a moody, angry and/or depressed person. You know the saying, “refusing to forgive is like swallowing poison and hoping the other guy gets sick”? Yep, that was what I was going through. And if those who had hurt me were to know I was still suffering, I’m sure they would’ve laughed.

So, I am taking steps to let the hurt and anger go. It is not doing me any good. It is not making me healthier. It is not making me happier, more confident, or more nicer. It is making me unstable, unreliable and unhappy. I’m still letting those who hurt me have power over me.

It is good to know that forgiveness is not about trusting someone or willing to be friends with them again. I think Lauryn Hill said it best with this song:

It is not easy to let go of grudge, but I think the key is to soften up one’s pride and ego, and stop playing the victim. Of course, we were all victims once of someone’s malicious ways, and we have a right to be angry. But after a while, that anger turns into victimhood and it doesn’t turn you into the best of human beings. And honestly, do you want to be as bad as those who had hurt you?

Sometimes Jesus Christ’s teachings about forgiveness sounds absurd, even to this Christ follower, but in the end, holding grudges no longer makes sense.

One day at a time, I’ll be letting go. I want this year to be so much better than last year. And I can’t have that if I carry my grudges.

I’ve learned that carrying grudges ruins your self-respect because you’re allowing those you don’t even like to have control over you. I remember one church sign that read: “He who angers you controls you.” If you don’t like someone, why give them control over you? And turn you into a mess?

Let it go…